I make my own water - two glasses of H, one glass of O.
Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?
I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly) . . . and says, "Here, you can go."
I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, "I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today." I said "Oops . . ."
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
I'm taking La maze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "the middle of August? Cool!"
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".
I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. Now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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